Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
