Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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