My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
