i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
