Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
This house was built for laser tag.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
