peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize