i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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