I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
worst night to have a conscience
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
