If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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