I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
