I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Dick very happy bro
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
