Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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