just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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