I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
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I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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