Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
