Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Randomize
