today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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