I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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