Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize