we have officially lost it.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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