Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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