I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
