Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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