singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
