She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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