He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Randomize
