Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
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