If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
