Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
