i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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