Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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