I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Come share oat with me in your robe
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
