I wannas sexs uuuuu
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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