hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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