Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
