So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
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After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
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I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
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