I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
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12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
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But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize