never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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