We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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