Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
