Banned from zoo.
Again?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Randomize
