so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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