Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
