I'm eating all of the evidence.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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