Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
