Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
