Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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