She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize