too bad you live with your parents still
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
