I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
