remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
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