all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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