I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize