You're completely useless in the revolution.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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