yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
