Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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