; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
