I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
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Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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