I wanna bring you to show and tell
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Actions speak louder than pants.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
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