drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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