everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
