At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
