I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
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No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
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Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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