I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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