To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
