I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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