I swear god or herbie drove my car home
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
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