On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
