the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Randomize
