The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
