just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
