my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
